This was not my original blog post topic for today. But then something happened. I got yet another birthday party invitation for a preschool friend of Harlyn’s.
Now, up until this point, it’s been pretty smooth sailing on the whole friend birthday party thing. At the beginning of last school year, I didn’t feel bad at all…Harlyn didn’t even KNOW these kids, so I didn’t really think twice about RSVPing “no.” Then luckily, the invites slowed down, and when they did pop back up, they were all for days and times that I’d be working. #soconvenient And when my MIL asked if she could take her to one, we ultimately said okay, even though we knew once H was aware of these friend parties, there was no turning back. So basically, my kid is now through one year, and a half-summer, and I’ve never gone to a birthday party with her. It’s either “Ma” taking her, or we don’t go.
But a couple weeks ago we got an invite to the birthday party of one of her best girls. I have yet to RSVP. Now before you think I’m a terrible person, the RSVP date has not passed yet. It’s coming up though, so I do have to do something SOON. The issue with this one is that it is on a Saturday. At a pool. Saturday means I am not working. Saturday means I am with Harlyn. Saturday means I’d be the one taking her. #panicmode
And today another invite came. For the girl who H calls her BFF. On a Sunday. And I could totally get away with not going…it’s not like Harlyn knows about the party, and this little girl won’t be returning to our preschool this upcoming year (she moved). So there’s a lot of good excuses in my head to not go. But Mom Guilt is real. And it is downright attacking me on these two weekend parties coming up. If these parties weren’t for H’s HOMEGIRLS, I’d totally say no and forget about it.
Here’s the thing. I know she’d have fun going. I know she’d love to see her friends. Every time Ma has taken her to a party, she’s been so happy and excited. See? I know I should take her. But the thought of going to the party stresses me out. I don’t really know these moms. I’m awkward and shy. I am an introverted mom.
And it’s hard! Most moms can just…talk to other moms. Make friends, hang out, it looks effortless when other moms do it! But for me? I feel like a total weirdo. I get all self-conscious. I go over dumb stuff I say in my head long after it’s over.
Here’s another thing. I’m not actually a weirdo. I CAN function like a normal person in social settings. I CAN go places by myself if I have to. I CAN carry on conversations with strangers. It’s just that I find it totally draining and overwhelming. I don’t WANT to be uncomfortable, even if I know I’ll be just fine and my daughter will be in her glory. I don’t WANT to drive to some place I’ve never been with a bunch of people I have only said “hi” to a few times over the past year.
Being an introverted mom can be super lonely, even though I totally enjoy alone time. How can that be?!? I am so thankful for my small little world of family and friends who get me. But sometimes, when I look on social media and see all these moms with hordes of mom friends, I can’t help but be like…I want that!! And obviously I know that it won’t just happen magically—I’ve got to actually make an effort to have more mama friends. But I get in my own way of that all the time.
Anyway…this is actually far deeper than I intended for a Monday. But hopefully there are other moms out there that can relate to this post. Maybe there are reformed introverts reading this who can give some good advice. I know the things I need to DO (join a mom group, talk to preschool moms/plan playdates, etc) it’s just that I don’t ever want to actually do those things.
Oh and also, if you could…drop a comment and let me know if I have to RSVP “yes” to these upcoming parties. 😉 The clock is ticking, friends.
I totally sympathize and understand – I’ve struggled with this as well- do the best you can do Mama!!!
Thanks girl! So glad I’m not alone!
I can totally and absolutely relate. It was awkward for me at the “Muffins with Mom” Mother’s Day tea! Lol. But I’d say take the risk and just go because just like anything else that you’re not good at at first, the art of friendship— if it doesn’t come by naturally (and it doesn’t to me) takes practice. It might feel weird the first few parties or play dates, but then there will come a time when it won’t feel as weird and your own self-confidence will grow too. Just be yourself because you’re awesome!! (And if you’re like me, read up on ‘How to Do Small Talk’ before you go lol)
Haha I will totally do a Google search 😉 I’m taking her to the stinkin’ parties. I’ll have to be a normal, social mom for 2 whole parties. 🙂
I’m always willing to go with you for moral support (or take her).
These moms are just “average moms” too & it’s so fun to watch Harlyn having so much fun!
But at least at her age she doesn’t even know she’s been invited.
LOL Love you Ma! Thanks for always getting her to the weekday parties 😉
Totally understand. I’m so bad about over thinking things I’m going to say or have said. Things have been better since I joined a moms group, but I still feel awkward at the birthday parties. I totally dread them.
Haha. Yep! Like I do KNOW how to talk to other people! I work, I do church nursery, etc, I am a real functioning woman…it just is HARD to do the parties/events…and all the moms groups are geared toward SAHM/WAHMs, so I need like a weekend/evening group LOL
Hahaha I am the same way!! More about stuff with myself now because I would rather stay with my daughter! When she gets older I see this being a thing too..I’ve been putting myself out there more solo without my husband as in swimming & music classes with my daughter & it helps!
Good for you for doing swimming and music solo! I feel like when my kids are older I’ll naturally be forced to “get out there” more when we get to real school and/or they have decided on their activities and there’s a more set group of parents/kids. 🙂
I really loved reading this post. Thank you for sharing. To be honest, it’s not even something that has crossed my mind but it makes me more aware to make sure I try and talk to ALL the mom’s at different functions and activities for the kids. I have a 3yr old boy and a 1yr old boy and I’m realizing there can be some cliquey mom’s out there which makes it difficult to try and break into a group. And, I totally get not wanting to RSVP just from a tired perspective and wanting a bit of a break. My husband is actually the social butterfly out of the two of us so sometimes I just send him. Sounds like you have a great support system. Do what’s best for you and what makes you most comfortable. Your daughter will adapt perfectly so long as mama is happy! 🙂
Thank you! Yeah, its so hard to bust into an existing group, especially when you are like me! 😉 I’ve decided to take her to these parties, and I know I’ll be a-okay once I actually do it.
Thank you for sharing this. As a Korean mom in US. I thought all Americans are extroverts and good at small talking. I thought I can’t be comfortable with new people because I’m a shy Korean
We are the same human. thanks…
So glad this was helpful! You are definitely not alone. 🙂