We said goodbye to our beautiful golden retriever in the middle of the night this past Friday. It was scary, emotional, and we’re all still trying to process her death. I keep expecting to hear her coming down the hall to grab a drink of water or to go outside.
Dear Maya,
Less than a week ago, you turned 7. And now I’ve just said my final goodbyes to you over FaceTime. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there with you in your final moments.
I failed as a dog mom so many times. I didn’t pay enough attention to you and Bella once Harlyn and Mav came on the scene. I didn’t take the pictures. You were so anxious and hard to walk that we stopped taking the walks. I’m so sorry for the many times I should have stopped to pet you but didn’t. I think you still knew how much I loved you. I hope you did. I hope you heard it in my voice when I got down and cooed “MaeMaeMaeMae” in a ridiculously high pitched tone. I hope you felt it in my touch when I laid on the floor to love on you. I hope you knew that every morning when I called out, “Love you, girls!!” while running out the door with kids and backpacks and full arms, I meant it.
My beautiful Maya Mae, you were scared of everything. Hard floors. Bags of any kind. Drawers opening. Usually, Maverick. I don’t know what happened to you before you came to us, but I hope that, even though you were always a bit anxious, deep down you knew we’d never, ever hurt you.
Bella will miss running around the house and yard with you. She will miss lazy afternoons lounging around a quiet, kid-free house with you. Bella will miss YOU. She was a little mad at us when we got you…but she got over it quickly. I’m so grateful she had almost 7 full years to hang out with her sister and BFF. I don’t know what she’ll do without you.
I don’t know what any of us will. The house already feels too empty…one dog bed in our overcrowded bedroom just doesn’t seem enough. There should be TWO in here. Your bed comforted you throughout your life, during your episode, out of the house and to the vet, and finally, out of this world.
Maya Mae Giegling, thanks for letting me love you since June 18, 2013. ♥ You’re forever in my heart.
XOXO,
Mommy
